If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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