At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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