is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
