alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
