I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
