don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
