it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
