Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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