I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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