I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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