I'm eating all of the evidence.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
