I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize