Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
