Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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