someone threw a dead crab at me
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
