he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's rum buckets o'clock
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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