matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
