Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize