Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I will pee on everything he values.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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