I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
