I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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