I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
