I molested 6 butterflies tonight
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
