Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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