Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
