How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
