STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My liver just broke up with me...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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