My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
