I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
