i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Terrible idea I love it
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
