Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
