I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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