Michael Bay diarrhea
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
