is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dignity is for republicans.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
