Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
