Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
