so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
