I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
