my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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