My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
