I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
