Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
