The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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