why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we're making bets on your personal life
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
