To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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