You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
