Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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