I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We were destined to go to rehab together
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
