it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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