y did u give ur computer a hand job?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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