Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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