yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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