last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
