I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
