i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
