I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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