Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize