I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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