she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
