Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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