I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
