I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
