you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
