It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
