Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
