If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
