the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
