she looked like the before picture.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
