Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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