Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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