I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
