hotel room ftw
You can't special order awesome
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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