he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize