party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
